Life Lessons Learned the Hard Way
by Autobot Alythia
Summary: Just a collection of funny short stories about life lessons the D-cons have to learn the hard way.
1. Lesson One

**I decided that before I start on adding more chapters to my other stories (I'll update Into Animated in a few days) I'd take a short break and write out these collections of short funny stories. Not sure how many chapters this will have, but it won't be a big one. Anyways, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story.**

**(A bit of info before ya start reading the story. For some of the characters in the story might be out of character, but I have to change things around with them so it fits the story. And another thing, this really doesn't take place after any event; its just a random kinda thing.)**

Lesson Number One: Never Bet With Megatron

"You sure you want to go through this? I mean, what is the logic in it?" asked a very confused Barricade, watching as his partner, Frenzy, snuck up on Scorpoknock. Frenzy ignored him, his mind focused on the bot a few meters away. Scorpoknock was currently curled up into a ball, sleeping in the middle of the hallway as if he owned the place. This was the perfect time for Frenzy to have his 'plan' put into action, which was more out of boredom.

"3, 2, 1, Gogogo!" Frenzy chattered to himself, then jumped and pounced on Scorpoknock, scaring the poor bot and making him jump about 20 feet into the air, before crashing onto the floor. Letting out a loud screech, he skittered off down the hall at a suprisingly fast speed, jumping wildly and bucking, Frenzy holding onto him from on his back, riding Scorpoknock like how some humans do riding bulls. "Giddyup! Giddyup!" Frenzy cackled madly, hanging on for dear life as Scorpoknock bucked more intensely, zooming off down the hall, right past the other Decepticons, who watched with 'wtf?' expressions on their faces.

"Heh, 20 of my best high grade energon I bet that Frenzy hangs on for 15 more seconds." Starscream snickered. Megatron took this as a challenge.

"10 seconds? Pfft. I bet 50 for 10 seconds." The Decepticon leader said with a smirk of his own. Starscream narrowed his optics at his leader, holding back a growl that threatened to sound. He increased his bet.

"60."

As he increased his bet, so did Megatron. "70."

"80!"

"150." Megatron's smirk grew as Starscream went silent, but then turned into a frown when Starscream wagered even higher.

"200." Now it was Megatron's turn to be silent, and Starscream smirked, sticking his tongue out at him before turning his attention back to Frenzy and Scorpoknock.

As the rest of the bots turned to watch Frenzy, they could see that the little guy was now only hanging onto Scorpoknock by one of his hands, so it wouldn't be long before he fell off. Rambling on about random thing,s Frenzy tried to get a better grip, when the rampaging and bucking Scorpoknock used his tail to smack Frenzy off, sending the poor little bot flying, and crashing right into the wall, causing some of the D-cons to flinch.

"Ooooh, thats gata hurt." Blackout mumbled. And, the time Frenzy stayed on:

10 seconds.

Starscream's jaw dropped, red optics wide. He just lost 200 of his best high grade energon to Megatron. "Well, looks like I won the bet, again." Megatron said, amused by the defeated look of his second in command gave him, and also annoyed look.

"Slaggin, frack faced, son of a glitch mouse." The seeker growled.

Looks like Megatron not only beats poor Starscream in battle, but also in bets.

Kinda makes ya wonder how well he would do in Los Vegas.


	2. Lesson Two

**Well, got nothing much to say right now, so, enjoy the new 'lesson'!**

Lesson Number Two: Never Let Barricade Tell Ghost Stories

"Pfft! Come on 'Cade! Tell us the story! We can handle it!" Frenzy said rapidly, currently sitting on Starscream's head for some odd reason. Currently, the Decepticons were out in the middle of the woods, sitting around a makeshift campfire and telling their most frightening ghost stories they could think of. It was the dead of night, and the full moon was hidden behind some clouds coming in, making the area even more darker than it already was. The only light came from the campfire, which made shadows dance around the area, seeming to be alive. A light fog was starting to form as well, further decreasing optical sight.

Barricade felt a toothy smirk form on his face, and let out a low chuckle. Boy oh boy did he have one heck of a story to tell. "All right then." He scooted closer to the camp fire, the angles at which the light from the fire hit him only enhanced his monstrous appearance. "On a night much like this one, a young human couple were walking along in a forest, which was this, very, one. There was a full moon outside, and a thick fog started to form, giving the forest a haunting aurora..." Barricade paused, and took a quick glance around at the others.

Megatron, Starscream, Blackout, Bone Crusher, and Devastator all had emotionless expressions on their faces, but that figures. However, Frenzy and Scorponok, on the other hand, looked uneasy, and glanced around at the surrounding forest every now and then. Mentally smirking, knowing that it was more than just those two who were scared, Barricade continued with the story.

"The humans then suddenly stopped, both of them getting a feeling that they were being watched. They looked around, but couldn't see anything. Thinking it was only a harmless small animal, they continued on walking, oblivious that something was indeed watching them, following them in utter silence and stealth."

"Wait, hold up there 'Cade. What does this thing look like?" asked Frenzy. Barricade growled at him.

"I'm getting to that!" He snarled. "Now silence!"

"Ok ok! Primus, sorry sir grumpy aft." Frenzy mumbled.

Glaring one more time at Frenzy, Barricade then continued with the story. "Then, out of no where, the creature attacked, pouncing on one of the humans, pinning the human to the ground with its scythe-like claws, digging into the flesh and ripping out huge chunks, blood gushing out and spraying the beast. Its body was robotic in structure, and looked like a combination of earth creatures. After eating half of the human, the creature turned its large horned head to the other human, jagged teeth dripping with fresh blood. It crouched down on all fours, and let out the most unworldly shriek. The remaining human made a run for it, and the beast gave chase."

By this point, Scorponok was wrapped tightly around Blackout, shivering in fear, Frenzy's four optics were as wide as they could get, the poor bot clutching Scorponok tightly. Bone Crusher and Devastator were both hugging the other tightly, whimpering. Megatron didn't looked affect at all, and had a rather bored expression on his face.

And as for Starscream, well, lets just say he was in between.

"The chase continued on further into the night, and further into the forest. But soon the human ran out of breath, and had to stop and rest. the fog was now so thick, the human couldn't see his own hand out in front of himself. He froze in fear as a low growl sounded, and the noise of a twig snapping made him turn to look in that direction. He started to back away..." A dramatic pause, then Barricade suddenly jumped out at the other bots and let out a roar. **"ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!"**At this, just about most of the bots all screamed in surprise. Bone Crusher and Devastator fell backwards, Scorponok accidentally stabbed Blackout in the aft, making him yelp out and jump up, then landed face first into the ground, poor Frenzy getting smacked into a tree, and Starscream ducking behind Megatron in less than a second.

Barricade fell over from laughing, clutching his sides while doing so. "You should of seen your faces!" He laughed out, while all the other bots glared at him, well, all except for Megatron, who had an amused expression. But then all of them froze on the spot, an erie shriek sounding suddenly out of the blue, followed by movement in the surrounding forest. All of the Decepticons tensed up, and looked around frantically.

"Shit!" Frenzy cursed, using one of the human swear words he picked up on. "I-Its the creature! Its c-come to d-destroy us all!" He whimpered. Megatron let out a snort.

"Oh please, come on. You can't actually believe that-" But he was interrupted by something very large pouncing into his back. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!" Megatron spazed out, and ran about wildly, trying to get whatever was on his back off. He then finally managed to grab hold of whatever it was, and ripped it off from his back then threw it onto the ground....

And if robots could blush in embarrassment, he would of been red as a rose.

The 'creature' was no other than the Mountain Dew machine come to life (don't ask why he's in the story, the thing just is...Hm, I'm thirsty now), and had the most 'innocent' look on its face. Megatron growled, then glared at the others as they all started snickering, which turned to wild laughter.

Boy, would this be one great story to tell.

**Review! And I'm open for any future ideas for the story!**


	3. Lesson Three

**Alythia: Welcome to yet another life lesson for the Decepticons! And the star of this lesson is no other than Starscream!**

**Starscream: I'M A WINNER!**

**Alythia: And you get a fabulous prize too!**

**Starscream: Really?!**

**Alythia: *smirks* No, just kidden!**

**Starscream: .....(growls) I hate you.**

**Alythia: Aww, I like ya two 'Screamer! (hugs)**

**Starscream: Grr, GET OFF SQUISHY! (trys to pry author off but fails)**

**Alythia: HUGZ! (giggles)**

**Starscream: (whines) GET OFF OFF OFF OFF OFF!**

**Alythia: (pouting) Fine, fine. (jumps off) I'll make sure that whenever you go to the doctor's, Ratchet will be there...(evil grin) (walks away)**

**Starscream: (horror-filled face) .....**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers nor Spongebob.**

Lesson Number Three: Never Get Drunk While Watching Spongebob

"Um, Starscream? I think you should stop with the drinking..." Barricade warned the seeker, who was now on his tenth highgrade. Starscream growled at the cop car bot, then threw the newly emptied cube of high grade at said bot. Barricade easily ducked, though knew better than to start beating the crap out of the seeker. When Starscream got drunk, well, lets just say you **never** want to make him angry.

"Shut the fuck up." The seeker snapped at Barricade, then reached for yet another highgrade. Letting out a sigh, Barricade got up off the couch.

"Since you wana be Mr. Slag head I'll just leave you in peace." Mumbled the black and white Decepticon before he walked on out of the rec room. Doing the famous 'one finger solute' after Barricade left, Starscream turned his attention back to the large television before himself, watching no other than Spongebob.

This, couldn't be good.

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"So where's that glitch head now?" Asked a pissed off Blackout. "Fly boy still owes me big time from when I saved his sorry ass last week." Barricade snorted, arms crossed over his chest.

"Trust me, you do not want to be anywhere near him." Barricade said. Blackout narrowed his optics, then he grabbed the cop bot by the neck, pinning him against the wall.

"TELL ME OR-" But Blackout stopped in mid sentence when he felt something wet and squishy hit him on the side of the head. He let go of Barricade then grabbed the object that had hit him, and brought it up to his face.

It was a yellow, wet, sponge.

"What the-HEY!" Another wet sponge was thrown at him, hitting him right between the optics. "WHO THE SLAG IS-" Another hit. "THROWING THESE REPULSIVE THINGS?!" He roared, throwing the sponge to the ground then stepping on it. The helicopter bot looked in the direction the sponges were being thrown, and saw no other than Starscream, and what looked like a cross between a smirk and a growl on the seeker's face.

"Ahoy ya *hiccups* scurvy sea dog!" He threw another sponge at the bot. "You no call *hiccups* Spongebob repulsive! He's damn AWESOME!" Then he randomly burst out laughing like a maniac, leaning against the wall for support.

Blackout didn't know if he should be more pissed off or terrified.

Then he got hit in the face again, but this time, with a squid.

"And Squidword thinks *hiccup* you suck! He, he should play that, that thing he plays to like, *another hiccup* like to blow out yer audio receptor thingamajigs! ATTACK GARY!" Starscream then yelled the last part, and started throwing live snails at poor Blackout.

"GET EM OFF ME! THEY'RE ALL SLIMY AND CRAWLING!" Blackout freaked out, trying madly to get the things off, but each time he grabbed one, it was crushed in his grip, only adding more slime onto himself.

Barricade was enjoying this, laughing his aft off. _'Oh, if only Lord Megatron were here to see this.'_ He thought. His laugher increased when Blackout started to run around in circles before crashing into the wall, knocking himself out.

"Ohhhh Barricade..."

Said bot instantly froze.

Starscream had the most evil look possible on his face as he held a live crab in his hand, a very LARGE crab.

"Time to get YOURS SUCKA!"

"PRIMUS HELP ME!" Barricade cried as he ran off, Starscream chasing after him singing the Spongebob theme song.

**Review!**


	4. Lesson Four

**I wanted to add another chapter to this, so here's the newest chapter! **

Lesson Four: Never Prank Shockwave

"You know who should be pranked?" Starscream asked to Blackout and Barricade. Both bots motioned for him to continue. "Shockwave!" Both bots stared at him with widened optics.

"Are you crazy?" Blackout glared at him. "He'll kick your aft into the next dimension before you can blink!" Starscream only huffed.

"Yeah yeah, sure he would. Seriously, that bot needs to be pranked. And if you two arn't gona, then I'll do it myself!" the seeker hissed, before storming off. Blackout and Barricade looked to the other, then back to Starscream sighing and shaking their heads.

"Wana go watch his prank fail?" Barricade then asked. Blackout instantly smirked.

"Oh yeah."

Of course, since no one had ever dared to prank Shockwave, the mech didn't expect anything out of the ordinary to happen really. He was on his way to Megatron to tell him about what the Autobots were up to, and thats when he suddenly stopped in the hall, single red optic seeming to brighten as he glanced around, having of heard someone snicker. His machine gun on his arm instantly was ready, though he continued to walk on down the hall. He heard the snickering again, but he continued on walking.

Suddenly, he tripped on something that seemed to be invisable, and wrapped around his foot, and was yanked into the air, causing the mech to let out a surprised, and angry, yell. "WHAT THE SLAG IS GOING ON?" he snarled, lashing out. Suddenly, he felt something hit him in the arm, and a moment later, passed out.

"Primus...what the slag happened?" Shockwave moaned, now coming back online, red optic brightening as he sat up. He then stood up, though felt weird, as if something was on him that shouldn't be. So, he glanced down...

...and almost fainted right there on the spot from horror.

Shockwave was now somehow wearing a bright, pink, dress.

Suddenly, he heard laughing, and instantly glared to said bots that were laughing. Though, he knew exactly who played the prank on him. "Starscream..." he growled, but said seeker only smirked at him.

"Like the new look?" Starscream smirked.

"Frag you." he growled, then stormed off.

Starscream was currently heading to the exit of the base, intending on flying around for a bit to search for some Autobots. However, before he knew it, he suddenly felt something wrap around his ankle, and suddenly hoisted him into the air, just like Shockwave had been. And, the same thing happened next, and soon Starscream was out cold.

The seeker woke up some time later, wondering what had happened. "What..." he started to say, then looked down to himself...

...and he was in an even brighter, pink dress.

"SLAGGIT!" he yelped, then tried to get out of it, only to find out his hands were tied behind his back...and that he was in front of the Autobot base.

"Dude...thats priceless!" Sam laughed, Starscream snarling and trying to get free.

"SHOCKWAVE!" the seeker yelled.

Shockwave smirked from his spot some distance away. "Never prank me, Starscream..."

**Review please! **


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